海容(Forgiveness)

It's been a long time I didn't write the blogs. Lots of thing happens in my life until I got confused in once. All of it affecting every parts of my life. Met someone that could make me regret and always think "why I should meet this person?"

"Why we could become a friend?"

"Why should I deal with that person over and over?"

Why, why, and why….always appear in my mind. I can't find the right answer for everything that I've found. The more I thought, the answer become more confusing. Maybe, the best thing to do is not thinking about that. But yet, I can't deny it from my mind because I'm live so I can't stop thinking. Someone said that the best thing to do is accept it and forgive that person. FORGIVE, it's a word that I could type and said easily but it's hard to be done. The funny fact, I found those two words in Japanese 「海容」, it means forgiveness. But when I look deeper to those two words, I found that it's a combination of words that no one could do it easily. Forgiveness which written in that kanji means tolerance as vast as an ocean. When you look to the meaning of that word, you'll find how hard to do it and it almost impossible for human. Does anybody have a capacity like that?

Letter for My Host Parents

お父さんとお母さんへ

お元気ですか。

私が日本を離れるときあなたたちお2人にさようならを言えなくて、手紙を書くのが今になってごめんなさい。私は日本を立つ最後の時まで荷物のためとても忙しかったのです。私がインドネシアに戻った後、私はまた学校のため忙しかったのです。今、私は少し自由な時間があるのでこの手紙を書きました。

日本から戻って来たあと、ここでの私の生活にたくさんの事が起こりました。私最初戻ってきたとき、私の文化に合わせることができなかったのです。それは私にとって大変ショックで、5週間だけたくさんのことができませんでした。なぜなら違いがあったからです。しかし、ついに私は3～4週間奮闘した後、自分の生活を取り戻すことができました。

私はまた私が日本にいたときのあなたたちの親切すべてにありがとうと言いたい。あなたたち家族とのすてきな週末にありがとう。私たちが話したときの気づかいをありがとう。私は日本にいつもあなたたちとたくさんのことについて話したかった。しかし、最後は混乱で終わっていた。なぜなら私の日本語は充分じゃなかったから。

OK、お父さんとお母さんどうか健康でいて下さい。もし、私がまた日本に行く機会があればもちろんあなたたちを訪ねるです。

 

親愛なるお2人へ

ァディティア

 

「Finally, Japanese is very difficult. I hope, I wrote it right ><」

Freakin Out!

The worst thing that I've ever had is think that my stress could disappear as time goes by.

And now, it makes me under a big pressure. Rather than disappear, it's accumulated. Always in moody state, don't know what happen inside me, and I just let it happen. It's like I want to scream out loud but no voice could come out. There's a time I want to say that I can't do it, but everybody always said "Oh, come on, I know you can do it!" from time to time. Even I really can do it, please give me a break at least. I don't want to break your expectations on me but have you really think that I'm just a human that have lots of limitation and have problems also? I don't want to blame someone for this; I just want you to understand me a little so I can feel fewer burdens than before. I'm really exhausted with all of this. I laugh but not happy, there are friends but lonely, I just feel that I'm totally a stranger who doesn't know anything. Even me, myself, I can't recognize it anymore. Always feel that I lost my community, can't accept what I have to accept, have a high expectations on something that I don't have to pay attention on it. I want you to know about my problems but you seem too busy to hear my blabbering. Many times I give SOS signal but nobody realize it or they just pretend. That kind of thinking always appears in my head. It's my paranoia of course but I can't let it go easily.

Now, I feel that I can't stand it anymore. I try to write it because I'm very bad at telling it. I'm really conscious these stresses decrease every part of me both mind and body. I lost my appetite, start to have some digestive problems, difficult to think and speak in order, sleep disorder problem, moody. Recently I also skipped lots of class because I always feel in bad condition, feel extra tired even I have sleep more than 7 hours, some problem with my digest system also appeared frequently like vomiting. I really need a time for relax, I need time to adjust everything and make it on the right track again, I need time to manage everything, and I need you to say if there's some changes in me that not fit to you, I need you to say whether I should slower my pace or fastening my speed so we can walk together and nobody left behind. I need your help, so I can adapt myself to my new community that I never know before………

I'm just an ordinary people, never become the best one, have been failed so many times, just like all of you……………..

Swine Flu Hysteria

Recently, I see some people are panic with swine flu. I can't blame them because this is a serious matter that happen in our world. But what'll happen if the panic become a mass hysteria? Looks not good. It already happen though. My university in Japan stop their activity for a week because of the swine flu hysteria. I don't know whether it's just a temporary hysteria or not coz I can't read their letter well (it written in kanji 0_O).
But....sometime I hope there's a hysteria like this in my university. coz I really need a break from the assignments that the teacher gave. Hahahahaha.....LoL

In a Wrong tImE and wRong PlAcE with Wrong frIendS

What will happen?
I think you already know the results....

Journalist Principal at The Bugle Press (It’s funny ^^)

First...

Take the picture

After that

Get the stories

Then

Safety first!!!! è(???!!! What it means?)

DEADLINE means...

Don't procrastinate!

Expect delays!

Anticipate cut-off times!

Deliver your material on time!

Lateness is unacceptable and

Inexcuseable!

No

EXCUSES!!!

Now, you know what DEADLINE means ^^ (Taken from the poster in Spiderman Attraction at Universal Studios Japan)