Quote for Today

"If one day you realize that I haven't talk to you in a while, just remember that you are the one who pushed me away"

~Quotewords~

Yeah...but, I'm not expecting too much on you. Maybe you'll never realize it forever...

How?

Friendship taste good when it's warm. But what will happen if it's already freezing?

It feels weird, really weird. I still can't find the answer why our friendship becomes like this?

At the beginning, I felt that our friendship was like a hotpot in winter that could warm each other and it taste great.

Suddenly, with one mistake that hotpot become like an ice cube in winter which no one ever need it.

Even we already make that misunderstanding cleared, but there's still a strange feeling in our friendship. I never think that our friendship could become the same as it was. But, I still believe in hopes that another story of our friendship will incised another great story in our life.

 

*hopes it's not just me who think like this. I hope both of us…

海容(Forgiveness)

It's been a long time I didn't write the blogs. Lots of thing happens in my life until I got confused in once. All of it affecting every parts of my life. Met someone that could make me regret and always think "why I should meet this person?"

"Why we could become a friend?"

"Why should I deal with that person over and over?"

Why, why, and why….always appear in my mind. I can't find the right answer for everything that I've found. The more I thought, the answer become more confusing. Maybe, the best thing to do is not thinking about that. But yet, I can't deny it from my mind because I'm live so I can't stop thinking. Someone said that the best thing to do is accept it and forgive that person. FORGIVE, it's a word that I could type and said easily but it's hard to be done. The funny fact, I found those two words in Japanese 「海容」, it means forgiveness. But when I look deeper to those two words, I found that it's a combination of words that no one could do it easily. Forgiveness which written in that kanji means tolerance as vast as an ocean. When you look to the meaning of that word, you'll find how hard to do it and it almost impossible for human. Does anybody have a capacity like that?

Letter for My Host Parents

お父さんとお母さんへ

お元気ですか。

私が日本を離れるときあなたたちお2人にさようならを言えなくて、手紙を書くのが今になってごめんなさい。私は日本を立つ最後の時まで荷物のためとても忙しかったのです。私がインドネシアに戻った後、私はまた学校のため忙しかったのです。今、私は少し自由な時間があるのでこの手紙を書きました。

日本から戻って来たあと、ここでの私の生活にたくさんの事が起こりました。私最初戻ってきたとき、私の文化に合わせることができなかったのです。それは私にとって大変ショックで、5週間だけたくさんのことができませんでした。なぜなら違いがあったからです。しかし、ついに私は3～4週間奮闘した後、自分の生活を取り戻すことができました。

私はまた私が日本にいたときのあなたたちの親切すべてにありがとうと言いたい。あなたたち家族とのすてきな週末にありがとう。私たちが話したときの気づかいをありがとう。私は日本にいつもあなたたちとたくさんのことについて話したかった。しかし、最後は混乱で終わっていた。なぜなら私の日本語は充分じゃなかったから。

OK、お父さんとお母さんどうか健康でいて下さい。もし、私がまた日本に行く機会があればもちろんあなたたちを訪ねるです。

 

親愛なるお2人へ

ァディティア

 

「Finally, Japanese is very difficult. I hope, I wrote it right ><」

Freakin Out!

The worst thing that I've ever had is think that my stress could disappear as time goes by.

And now, it makes me under a big pressure. Rather than disappear, it's accumulated. Always in moody state, don't know what happen inside me, and I just let it happen. It's like I want to scream out loud but no voice could come out. There's a time I want to say that I can't do it, but everybody always said "Oh, come on, I know you can do it!" from time to time. Even I really can do it, please give me a break at least. I don't want to break your expectations on me but have you really think that I'm just a human that have lots of limitation and have problems also? I don't want to blame someone for this; I just want you to understand me a little so I can feel fewer burdens than before. I'm really exhausted with all of this. I laugh but not happy, there are friends but lonely, I just feel that I'm totally a stranger who doesn't know anything. Even me, myself, I can't recognize it anymore. Always feel that I lost my community, can't accept what I have to accept, have a high expectations on something that I don't have to pay attention on it. I want you to know about my problems but you seem too busy to hear my blabbering. Many times I give SOS signal but nobody realize it or they just pretend. That kind of thinking always appears in my head. It's my paranoia of course but I can't let it go easily.

Now, I feel that I can't stand it anymore. I try to write it because I'm very bad at telling it. I'm really conscious these stresses decrease every part of me both mind and body. I lost my appetite, start to have some digestive problems, difficult to think and speak in order, sleep disorder problem, moody. Recently I also skipped lots of class because I always feel in bad condition, feel extra tired even I have sleep more than 7 hours, some problem with my digest system also appeared frequently like vomiting. I really need a time for relax, I need time to adjust everything and make it on the right track again, I need time to manage everything, and I need you to say if there's some changes in me that not fit to you, I need you to say whether I should slower my pace or fastening my speed so we can walk together and nobody left behind. I need your help, so I can adapt myself to my new community that I never know before………

I'm just an ordinary people, never become the best one, have been failed so many times, just like all of you……………..

Swine Flu Hysteria

Recently, I see some people are panic with swine flu. I can't blame them because this is a serious matter that happen in our world. But what'll happen if the panic become a mass hysteria? Looks not good. It already happen though. My university in Japan stop their activity for a week because of the swine flu hysteria. I don't know whether it's just a temporary hysteria or not coz I can't read their letter well (it written in kanji 0_O).
But....sometime I hope there's a hysteria like this in my university. coz I really need a break from the assignments that the teacher gave. Hahahahaha.....LoL

In a Wrong tImE and wRong PlAcE with Wrong frIendS

What will happen?
I think you already know the results....

Journalist Principal at The Bugle Press (It’s funny ^^)

First...

Take the picture

After that

Get the stories

Then

Safety first!!!! è(???!!! What it means?)

DEADLINE means...

Don't procrastinate!

Expect delays!

Anticipate cut-off times!

Deliver your material on time!

Lateness is unacceptable and

Inexcuseable!

No

EXCUSES!!!

Now, you know what DEADLINE means ^^ (Taken from the poster in Spiderman Attraction at Universal Studios Japan)

Too Much Different!!!

Posting pertama setelah kembali ke Indonesia jadi pengennya nulis pake bahasa Indonesia aja. Hahahaha....

Waktu mau pulang rasanya masih setengah-setengah. Setengah seneng soale pulang, ga usah bingung dengan bahasa lagi, ga merasa kedinginan lagi setiap saat. Tapi, setengah ga rela juga klo harus pulang soalnya masih pengen main-main sama temen dari berbagai belahan dunia, merasa nanggung sekali belajarnya, masih banyak tempat yang pengen diliat disana. Nah, tapi mau ga mau tetep harus pulang soalnya masih banyak urusan yang belum beres disini termasuk kuliah.

Sebelumnya disana sudah sempat stress karena selalu terganjal masalah dengan yang namanya bahasa. Di Jepang tentunya orang lebih menguasai bahasa Jepang, itu sudah pasti. Sekarang permasalahannya aku disana dengan kondisi kemampuan bahasa Jepang yang amat sangat cekak. Nah lo! Jadi rasanya pengen pulang aja. Tapi, setelah pulang...kok rasanya beda drastis. Langsung kaget dan kagok melihat kondisi bangsa dan negara sendiri. Kagetnya sudah ga kaget lagi tapi sampe kuaget pol. Kok!? Ya, masalah pertama adalah suhu yang sangat jauh berbeda. Ya sudah jelas lah, waktu pulang dari sana suhu menunjukkan 3 derajat dan tiba di Ngurah Rai dengan laporan suhu di darat 31 derajat. Rasanya langsung lemes ga bisa apa-apa. Terus, sampe di Ngurah Rai pun masih dipalak pula oleh petugas keamanan bandara. Aku tanya arah buat transfer pesawat dan dijawab bahkan dengan ramah sekali diantarkan. Tapi apa yang terjadi setelah itu? "Ya tadi kan sudah dibantu...sekedar uang rokok lah." Dan aku langsung bereaksi *Ha!? WTF!*, ternyata niatnya minta uang toh. Yah salah satu cermin bangsa juga ini rasanya. Kalo dulu aku merasa ya biasalah. Tapi karena tinggal di negara orang yang punya budaya beda jadi langsung shock. Sewaktu di Jepang sebagai orang asing aku selalu dibantu oleh orang sana dengan sangat ramah dan tidak pernah meminta apa-apa. Sesuai dengan apa yang aku pernah tulis sebelumnya kalau mental orang Jepang bukanlah orang yang suka meminta-minta walaupun tidak punya (sesuai dengan tulisan homeless disana).

Hal lain adalah ketika melewati pemeriksaan bea dan cukai. Dibandingkan waktu aku melewati pemeriksaan yang sama di Jepang, petugas di Bali ini sungguh tidak memiliki tata krama dalam melakukan pemeriksaan dan ketika melayangkan pertanyaan-pertanyaan. Dan aku langsung berpikir bahwa hal ini sangat dan sungguh gila. Katanya, bangsa ini adalah bangsa yang sangat sopan. Tapi ketika itu aku langsung bingung, sopan apanya? Bali sebagai ikon dan pintu gerbang Indonesia di dunia pariwisata ternyata tidak memiliki keramahan yang lebih baik. Dengan mengalami hal yang berbeda dalam waktu 6 bulan saja bisa membuat aku mendapat cultural shock di negara sendiri.

Cerita pengalaman buruk di hari kedatangan di tanah air masih belum berakhir. Sesampainya di Bandara Djuanda, Surabaya aku pulang ke kos dengan naik taksi. Tiket sudah dibeli dan dibayar sesuai harga. Seperti biasa, seharusnya diantarkan ke tempat tujuan tanpa ada protes dari sang sopir. Eh, tapi si sopir ini ga tau gimana susah amat dibilangin. Naik taksi sudah jengkel dengan si sopir, sampe tujuan masih dimintai uang lagi. Langsung lah hari pertama dateng ke tanah air bad mood seharian. Apa memang begini bangsa Indonesia?

Pulang ke negara sendiri yang seharusnya senang malah jadi merasa jengkel.

Little bit…Dream!?

It's been ages not updating my blog. OK! Let's start!

This week until next week will be my final examination week. That's mean I'll go back to my country in no time. Feel happy because I go back to my country and will meet with my friends in my home university but I also will miss my friends in Japan. I've been here almost 5 months, met with lots of people overseas, it's great isn't it? Yeah it's great; I learn how to deal with people with different culture. Sometime it's difficult for me to deal with them because we have a different culture and sometime language also become barrier for us. But, I really can't believe I have been here for 5 months long. For me, it's like I came to Japan yesterday and tomorrow I have to say goodbye to my friends. We just start to know each other, it looks like we start understand our friend a little and getting closer but we have to leave soon. But yet, I feel happy because I met them. I'm happy have this opportunities, I'm happy because I can come here to Japan after 5 years waiting and hoping every day. This was my high school dream and I promised that I'll go to Japan before I graduated from university. I thought it was impossible until I tried it in my second year in university. Yeah, I think it was impossible for me. I have tried my best to go here but I always felt it's impossible or I didn't have enough qualification. There were some ways I have tried. First, I try to focus on my study. But, not long enough I felt it's impossible because I didn't have a good grade. Then, I start to study music and hope I have some competency in music, go to music festival and if I can make it, I will be send to Japan as a representative. But, my music skill stuck in intermediate level because I don't have a good hearing in musical notes. Once again, gave up. I started to give it up completely in my last year in high school. But, I don't know why I can't forget it even a little. My hope and dream was still as clear as before I thought to give up.

After that, I change my mind. I start to focus in my study again. This time, I did that not to get the best grade. I saw myself always try to catch up with everybody without knowing what I really have. I always want to learn what the others can do. But, it's too much, isn't it? It's not easy though. When I thought that I asked myself am I running away? And I never get any answer for my question. But now I relieved that I stop being a human who always want to skilled everything. If I do that, I really running away from myself.

What I want to tell is we must honest to ourselves. We really have something different than others. We have something that nobody has. Even a little it'll be our precious treasure. After said this all, don't think my path will be straight and smooth because I still not find my treasure yet. There's still a long way for me to find it and I want to say "Let's we do the best for it!"

火垂るの墓-Hotaru no Haka

I was impressed by the story of this film. First time, I want to watch it because the film has an attractive title. I didn't know what this film talk about. Ok, now let me give a brief for this film.

火垂るの墓,/Hotaru no Haka literary means Grave of the Fireflies. Usually the word 'Hotaru' write in single kanji (蛍) but they choose to use that two kanji. Anyway, this film was an adaption from a novel of the same title written by Akiyuki Nosaka. It told us about war, yes, World War II.

Make it short, this film want to show us what is war and how much the war cost our life. Grave of the Fireflies is a poignant story between Seita and Setsuko. They are unfortunate siblings who have to survive in the war between Japan and America. Their mother was died in Kobe firebombing, Seita which is the oldest brother and the only man left in the family (his father was ordered to fight as Japanese Imperial Navy) has to protect his mother and sister to fulfill his father only wish. Unfortunately, their mother was suffering from a serious burnt that the bomb caused. After that, he must protect his only sister. War became very serious; they met with lots of trouble in order to survive. They start lacking food; Setsuko was suffered from serious diarrhea because she didn't get any good food to eat. And she died because of her illness, her brother was really sorry for her because he can't protect her sister. In short, Seita also died, he died at San-nomiya station in Kobe. And before that there were a big news, Japan was completely lost from US. And it means Seita's father died in battlefield.

If we reflect upon this story, there's nothing in war. The only one left in a war is an enormous devastation both material and people itself. We also can still remember clearly what kind of war that we witness right now. We are one of the world history witnesses. The questions are appeal; what do we aim for war? Is it a solution? Do we really need it?

In my opinion, wars only bring devastation. We can't use it as a tool to take revenge because right after we start, we'll never know when it will end. Revenge always followed by revenge, isn't it? It's our duty as a human being and as a part of the world to take a responsible action for this matter. What do you think?

p.s. I really recommend all of you to watch this movie, feel the story, think and re-think the story, and share your mind